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Coming home

I'm resuming this blog after a gap of three years. The reason for this break is that, shortly after returning from India, I began seeing a therapist. She advised me to stop writing at the time, as she believed it might hinder my healing process and make it harder for me to move on. The days following my return from India were incredibly stressful. I found myself getting agitated over the smallest things. Even before I left India, I remember one incident clearly—my mom made a suggestion I didn’t agree with, and instead of just discussing it calmly, I ended up banging my head on the ground in frustration. That kind of emotional turmoil continued even after I came back. On Santhu’s advice, I decided to seek professional help to cope with what I was going through. I'm not sure if I should call it “trauma,” but looking back, I know for certain that I wasn’t in a normal emotional state. Therapy turned out to be incredibly helpful. My therapist was a great listener—someone I could ope...
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Visit to Varanasi

 Varanasi also known as Kashi is considered as the most holiest place for Hindus - I grew up hearing to the stories that people in their old age with their lifelong savings used to travel to Kashi as a means of preparing their end of life. The saying was most of them would never come back. Visiting Kashi wouldn't had made into top 100 places that I would have loved to visit, but seeing the patterns through the course of my life I came to clear understanding that the destiny or the Nature has a different story written for us. The every day actions and events that are happening around us is preparing the outcome that we experience on daily basis. What we do is only one variable out of numerous variables that affect the experiences.  Kashi is also the place where the ashes of the departed are merged in the river Ganges - the belief is the soul would get Mukthi from the bondages of the Earth and any hurdles on its path to reach the final End state (God probably) are removed. Kitta...
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Phone call

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It was on February 1st 2022, the phone started ringing while I am in the middle of the morning meeting with my team members, discussing to implement some new features to monitor the Team work status. I looked at the caller number and it was my brother calling from India. I could sense something ominous with the call. Thirty minutes earlier to this phone call, I was in a lengthy phone call with my brother discussing about the health of my father who was admitted in the ICU due to COVID complications to his existing underlying health issues. I wrapped up the call with my brother, Kittanna, mentioning to keep my phone next to me. That was something odd asking me to do and I could sense something is wrong. The phone kept ringing and I didn't pick the phone hoping it is non-emergency call - this has been my way of pacifying myself on receiving phone call at odd times from India to ensure it is not an emergency call. The phone started ringing second time and this time I started to get wo...
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